Fuck, I'm in a bad shape right now.
Its been a long while since I wrote anything. Couldnt find the sense of purpose or direction to do anything, truth be told. Unless you count the endless stream of half-assed attempts at getting my shit together, which I abort, like a bad pregnancy, whenever the going gets too tough. Which seems to happen more and more often.
The docs tell me I have depression, GAD, panic attacks, GERD, and fuck knows what else. Been dealing with that shit for years now. First with booze and drugs, which, as you can imagine (if anyone is actually reading this, which I doubt, not after I abandoned the bloggin-get-rich-scheme. Yes, you read that right.) didnt go too well. Now I'm also doing drugs. Its just that they are prescribd by my psychiatrist.
And you know what? They DO help. I want to kill my self only half the time I'm conscious. Big step in the right direction.
Btw, you know those self-help guys who tell you psychiatric drugs can't help you, and only positive thinking, meditation, visualisation and spiritual enlightenment can save you? They're mostly full of shit. Sure, some of them have something going on for them. A few reasonable sentences here and there, surrounded by an ocean of evil, satanic thought-form piranhas, munching on rationality and reason and leaving only the bare bones of superstition and wishfull thinking. Think religion. Same shit.
Enough for now. Maybe gonna write more later. Its gonna get a lot more peronal. Exhibitionistic, really. I'm gonna whip out my mental cock in the face of the unsuspecting, and most probably one-time, reader, and start jacking off furiously. In the futile hope it'll bring some realese.